First Day of School...

Already we are at the end of the first week of school. And I have been drifting in the cute baby induced stupor of my second born, what with it being just the two of us for the biggest part of the wakeful day! Hence, it is no surprise that it has taken me this long to write about Winkie's big first day of school. Did it live up to all the hype of sentiment? - Yes! Is it something that will be forever etched in my memory in all glorious pin-point detail? - No!

Already, I am scrambling through all my faculties to gather the little things of that first morning which are worth scrap-ping here on his pages. I find that a lot of details have already receded from the conscious mind. And so, I have to close my eyes again and feel with my heart and will every piece of the picture to fall back into place so I can reconstruct it here for posterity...

I think he woke up around 7 AM and was showered and readied by R. I, of course, chose his clothes. I always do. Its just something that I do and love to do, and for the first day....most definitely!!! His first ever school lunch was two small wrapped-in-foil-rolls of aloo paratha. First ever snack was grapes. He had just a banana and soymilk for breakfast, because we had only 10 minutes left from dropping R at the station and coming back home.

I know I was nervous. I remember being so. And a bit stressed about him missing the bus. He was excited. Simply so. I put Thambi on the stroller and we came out onto the driveway. I took some pictures of him from all angles and this one has him looking pleased as punch. He declared that he could walk to the stop on his own and I needn't come. !!!!!. The confidence came from the fact that he had just made a new 1st grader friend who would also be at the stop which was like 5 houses down the road. I lauded him on his independence and said there was no way me or my camera was missing the firsts.

We walked a few steps and I stopped him to hastily rub off the glaring vibhuti on his forehead. We walked to the stop and he went and stood alongside the rest of the kids, while I chatted with a mom there. His friend was there and eagerly took over, put an arm around him and introduced him to all the kids there. This is Winkie and he is in Kindergarten...he said. My guy just stood there and smiled shyly. And i just looked at him. Thambi sat in the stroller watching all the different faces around him. The bus was late, a notorious fact of the first week, I believe. Winkie turned around from time to time to smile at me and everytime he did that, I wanted to give him a hug. I almost called out to him to come to me so I could, but desisted. He might not feel it still, but I felt conscious on his behalf.

I mentally reviewed whether I had remembered to tell him everything he would need to know. How he was supposed to ask for help if he couldn't find his room. To remember to say his teacher's name. That he was to hang his bag on his hook at #4. That his lunch was in the lunch-bag and that his snack was in another compartment. That he had only 20 min to finish it. That I would be waiting at the stop to pick him up and he needn't be afraid. And sooo... much more. I forgot to tell him quite a few of those things, and I realised this is the part where I have to let go and let him find his own way. I knew he would be fine. I had that faith in him.

The bus came. Along with his friend, he got on. I clicked in madness, wanting to capture in still, every move and moment. I wanted a picture of him peeping out the window, but that first day...the friend sat next to the window and I could only make out Winkie's eyes from where I was. The next day, he promised me that he would sit next to the window and look at me and wave, so I could have my picture. The fact that he was so understanding about this need of mine is something I will always cherish. I got that picture the way I wanted it, and its not perfectly clear to see him, but it is enough.

He got on the bus and the mom I was chatting to asked....Are you feeling ok?...Oh yeah!!....I replied in a fit of bravado. Why should she ask me that? Did I look like I wasn't feeling perfectly fine?...I thought to myself. The bus turned the curb and rolled out of sight. And he was gone. I turned around and started walking back. And from nowhere, the deepest and truest of my emotions rose to the surface and confronted me. Tears stung my eyes, and quiet sobs racked my body as I tried to look casual walking back. It surprised me so much to learn that I could cry. I was sure that I wouldn't be one of the criers. All my ego was set right in that moment as I walked inside the door and gave full way to my tears. 5 minutes later I was fine and updated R.

Yes, the house seemed empty. And quiet. But I got on with the regular agenda for the day. And that's when things started feeling alright again. By 3 PM, I was excited at the thought of seeing him and walked to the bus stop at 3:50 to wait for him. It was late again, and came in only around 4:15. The little guy walked out and he was the littlest one to get off the bus. He had an even more super shy smile and I eagerly plied him with questions, to which he replied patiently. Yes, he had a fun day in school. No he was not tired. Yes, he was hungry...and so off we went home so I could get something into him. We talked a bit but I got very minuscule details out of him for the good 7 hours he had spent there. I don't even remember his replies now. Only the fact that he kept repeating every 5 minutes....I had a good day Amma. It was a nice day Amma. I had fun Amma.

I asked him if he made any friends and he said there was a Max. Ooooo...what did he say to you Winkie? ...I asked him. Nothing....he replied. Then how is he your friend....I ask puzzled. Because he is there Amma...he replied. Ooooookaay!

Final summarised parting thoughts : He's been eating better like I had hoped. He is enthusiastic about school every morning and doesn't give me a hard time. We'll see how long this bubble lasts. The kindergarten work they do in school is very very basic as of now and had me despairing a bit when I saw Winkie learning to write uppercase and lowercase letters, when he is now writing sentences. But I guess I have to back off now and see how this progresses. I will learn more on curriculum night in a few days. He still continues to give me only little snippets of info about school and it kills my curiosity to know exactly what he gets upto all day. I feel so frustrated that I don't know many details about a big part of his life.

*sigh* So for the time being, I content myself with some of the details of the time that he spends at home. Such as when he sits down to breakfast every morning. He loves that bowl of cereal and its the one things that he can down in 10 minutes. He impatiently prods me to get his breakfast ready so he can eat and not miss the school bus. While he eats, he asks me for the time every few minutes. When he is done, he asks if he can wear his shoes and put on his backpack. And while he does all of that, I marvel at the quiet twinkle in his eyes as he speaks. I check out his super-neat haircut and the chamatthu look it gives him. I note the way the colour of his shirt brings out the glow in his face. And I meditate on those little puffy cheeks that will fill out less and less as he grows. And my heart fills out more and more with love for this little child and admiration for his eagerness to take on his slice of the world. Here's to new beginnings...