Being an only child...

...raising an only child is not what I had imagined I would be doing. I had rather imagined myself as a Mother Earth figure raising a pack brood of ruffians and hellions and loving every moment. Well, if not enough to have a football team of my own, a couple of kids at least. Well, the best laid plans of mice and men...and all that goes with the territory have ensured that it seems, for the moment at least, that the brat is destined to be an only child.

And over the past week I have been thrown into the thick of discussions regarding only children and parents divided over the issue, dithering about whether to go ahead for various reasons, all very valid, I grant. And I wonder, yet again, whether I am doing the right thing by not having another child. Granted I am back to blimp land again and just a couple of kilos from my weight at full term when I was carrying the brat, so I might as well go the whole hog and pile it on with a valid excuse at that. But as this article says, recent research does show that only children are indistinguishable from children with siblings. And sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Those with siblings they arent close to might prefer to swap my only child status with me anyday. And when I read of property wars between siblings, it makes me wonder how money takes precedence over wealth with nary a sigh. And then I read about siblings who rally around each other in times of crisis and sigh again. Having said that, the husband has four siblings. And they are close. But not exceptionally close. Each one lives their own lives, but they do rally around during crisis. Their bond is different. It is invisible but strong. Not fuelled by constant conversations or discussions or meetings, given that they are scattered around the country, but very present. My mother has nine siblings. And they are like rocks to each other. If one is ill, the rest come together like a single fist to help out. They might bitch each other at other times, but they're together. They're older. Empty nesters. They need each other. The mother in law has five siblings. None of whom are in any great contact with her. The occasional phone call a couple of times a year perhaps. I guess sibling relations vary from family to family.

What is my take on the entire debate, having reconciled myself to probably not having a second child? I would have preferred to give my child a sibling, but since thats not going to happen until both parents come around, I am happy for him to be an only child. I ensure that he has a social life so hectic, he could pay me a salary for being his social secretary. Playdates, parties, picnics, movies with friends, form the norm of the week for him. What also helps for me, I guess, is that we live in a joint family where there are already plenty of people in the house to keep him occupied, excluding the help, who happily pitch in for the occasional game of cricket or even doing the number and alphabet revision with the brat who happily learns his capitals and lower case from the maid who dredges her memory for the little she had learnt during her few years in school. So you have the rather quaint sight of the brat learning his ABCs from the maid, and me sitting in attendance helping the maid throw together alphabets and read words off the newspaper to me.

I'm ambivalent. I know he will turn out fine. I did. And my mother did a great job on me. I am sure I will do the best I can with him. And he, like his mother, is a social child. Until adolescence I guess, when he transforms inevitably into a black clad snarling antisocial stranger, who emerges only to ask for his pocketmoney.

Some of his friends have siblings, some are only children like he is. He seems unfazed yet with the seeming denial of a sibling though occasionally he does ask his father to put the baby seed in Mamma's stomach and make Mamma drink lotsa water to make the baby grow fast fast so that doctor can cut the stomach and take baby out. (Dont ask. Too much education on reproduction already happened thanks to friend's mamma's being pregnant and having new babies over the past couple of years). He also has many cousins he meets up with every vacation and assumes it is his birthright to have them around every vacation to keep him entertained.

On the whole, he's not skulking in corners yets whining about solitude and neglect and cruelty. And I do know I'm not either. I have my friends too, some of whom are closer than sisters could ever be, I think. I dont know. I've never had a sister. Or a brother. In the modern urban milieu, friends become surrogate family. And its true what they say, friends are family you get to choose.

I pray my little son chooses his friends well. And makes friends of the heart and not of the road. And doesnt grow up to resent me and his father for not providing him a sibling. But then, to think of it, I dont resent my mother for the same, do I?

What's your take on this debate?