Threats and counterthreats

The brat is sometimes difficult. Very difficult. And Mamma gets very very angry. And throws her hands up. And no, despite her throwing her hands up so very often, no one mistakes her for a cheerleader of any sort.
"I am going to give you back to the hospital and get a new sweet baby home."
This is the ultimate threat of all threats that never fails to get his attention and prompt better behavior.
"No mamma. Dont take me to hospital and get other baby. I only your baby."
Mamma capitalises on a good thing. "Why do you trouble me so much? The new baby will not trouble me. It will lie in one place, drink lot of gu gu and not do any masti."
He keeps silent. A slight twinge of sadness in Cruella de Ville Mamma's chest, and she hastens to reassure brat that she has changed her mind, and he gets a term extension as baby of the house if he keeps up good behaviour. Which is an euphemistic term for not destroying any property on the premises, or inflicting bodily harm on any one.

The other day, Mamma and brat went to a hospital to pay a courtesy visit to family friend's wife who'd just had a baby. Brat was on his best slicked hair behaviour. He walked into the room holding mamma's hand rather than run screeching skidding through the corridors. He sat next to the baby and restrained himself from poking inquisitive fingers into her eyes, or tweaking her ears, he looked at her with the wonder he reserves when Superman carries an aeroplane through the stratosphere. He stared sadly when Mamma carried the baby and cooed over her, and tugged at mamma's hand to remind her of his presence in the room. When Mamma got up to leave, and put the baby down, he clutched onto Mamma's hand territorially. And in a big dramatic, theatrically aside said, "Mamma, you not taking baby? You not leaving me in hospital?"
Mamma gave him a hug and a kiss, and told him, she would never leave him anywhere. He was her baby.

The same night, Pappa sat with the brat on brat's reams of neverending homework. Alphabet practice, number practice, match the columns, colouring, etc, etc. Mamma read her book in the armchair, leaving the duo to tear each other's hair out. Pappa having lost the little patience he possessed in normal times within the first five minutes of one alphabet written then ten minutes of whining about a paining hand, leg, toe, knee and all other body parts that impede successful completion of homework unassisted. After the third alphabet was written and the regular song and dance begun about how impossible it was to continue further without wilting like a lily under the fog of tiredness, Pappa picked up precious Batman action figure and threatened to fling it out of the balcony should Brat continue such unseemly display of laziness in consonance with him bearing the genetic heritage from Mamma's side of the gene pool.
Brat bristles with rage. "Pappa!!!! You a very naughty boy. I take you back to the hospital and get new Pappa."
And while Mamma and Pappa stare, openmouthed in shock and dying to roll thrashing on the floor in paroxysms of laughter, he continues in his sternest voice ever.
"Mamma, what will we call the new Pappa?"